Lauren Cahn is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared regularly on Reader's Digest, The Huffington Post, and a variety of other publications since 2008. His Explanation to the Judge was Golden. Juror, dismissed. In the “Only in Rhode Island,” category, Caprio tells Reader’s Digest that everyone knows everyone in the tiny New England state, and sometimes it gets super awkward. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. It turned out that on Thursday afternoon, before dismissing the court for the day, the judge had reminded the jury that Friday would be their big day, and that until then it would be PARTICULARLY important not to discuss the case with anyone — not colleagues, not friends, not even other jurors. Number 2: It is incredibly hard to get her on the phone, which for me is the best way to contact her as i … This means that it does happen, however rarely, that the justices are forced to preside over bullshit. I decide to make another type of document, thinking maybe it was the wrong type. “I was working in criminal law and had a case where a man had set up cameras to watch women go to the bathroom,” he tells Reader’s Digest, “and oh, by the way, what he really liked was to watch them making… Number 2.” The D.A. A young man named George had surgery to correct an ugly scar on his hand. Bye!” I even make a point to wave goodbye and just go sit at my computer and begin working on something else. Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had us in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. Randolph Rice, founder of Baltimore’s Rice Law Firm, always appreciated slapstick comedy but never thought it would turn up in a case he was trying. Even asking if I can read it doesn’t get me any other response than her pointing at the letter. You make good things happen. I s*** you not, the kid rolls his eyes, reaches into his pants, yanks pretty hard a couple of times, and brings out a male-appendage-shaped apparatus that has a small bladder attached with a locking mechanism keeping the fluid from leaking out. ... Court's Disorder Chinese Detective Chinese Wisdom Culture and meaning Definition of Politics So this week, we’d like to ask you: What are your funniest and weirdest stories … “So why not park legally this time?” the judge asked. “Actually, yes,” the man replied. Olivia on March 07, 2017: I couldn't stop reading this was so funny For example, one time a guy came in for a hearing on a parking ticket. He declared a mistrial, held both the defendant and juror in contempt, and explained that now there would have to be a new trial with a new jury. No wonder the Third World countries think we are nuts :-) More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. On Thursday, the penultimate day of the trial, he comes in. One day, a little old lady shuffles into our office, and when I ask what I can help her with, she pushes forward an envelope and says, “Letter.” She has an obvious accent, but that’s nothing new, and usually, I can work around the fact that people might not speak Dutch very well. Not only was the sign clear on that, but the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot. Law student, former professors story: Defendant busted for possession of narcotics, they were in the pocket of his leather jacket. Just a few days after sentencing, however, the woman was back in the courtroom, seeking an exception because the ankle monitor was kind of “ruining her vibe” at the strip club. Southern Law Joke. If you don’t laugh at these lawyer jokes, you might be held in contempt! Everyone could use a good laugh (and scientists say laughing makes you happier) so here you go . Long Tour of Duty. . In the past, a man named Peter Wellis divorced his wife and did not want to pay compensation. Nothing but the truth. follow on instagram @comedianshawnharrris #Tagsforlikes #instadaily #comedygrind Judge: “Well, according to your test kit, you’re running a very high fever, and you tested positive for MDMA and methamphetamines.”. The court seems to scedule all dates to be in the middle of the week, so to appear i have to spend money for the trains as well as miss at least 3 days of classes. I try to say as clearly as I can that I have given her every document she could possibly get from us, and I can do nothing else. Man Gets Arrested For Creeping This Lady Out on a Bus. “My client had stuck a joint in my up-do,” she realized. Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. I raise a shaky hand to the hotel across the way, which does not have frosted or tinted windows, and the very large, naked man doing Zumba. We can’t charge a person for testing positive for marijuana, except if it’s one of the terms of their probation with the court. At this point, I’m lost. For example, she once received a Christmas card with a puppy dog…from a Bloods gang member. Court's Disorder. Not only have I frequently entered new warrants for his arrest in the state system, but I also have the frequent occasion to be the dispatcher answering radio calls from pursuits he’s lead, and frequently evaded, our officers on. — Motion denied.”. When I do, the judge scratches his left inside wrist and then his right inside wrist, our code for “get ready to arrest.” The judge calls the kid up, and I have him stand almost behind the court reporter’s bench, so I can cut him off if he tries bolting on foot. Personal injury attorney Byron Browne tells Reader’s Digest of a woman who’d been injured in an accident and claimed she could no longer perform at work. The defendant and the lawyer have a quick chat. We've all sung this song hundreds of times during our lives, but did you know that it is not in the public domain?… ! Andy Simmons Updated: Apr. According to the thermal strip, the liquid is close to 106 degrees F. As an EMT, I know that this would usually be a fatal body temperature, or at the absolute easiest, the person would be so feverish that they would not be able to hold their legs beneath them to stand. The only problem? She also had to pay her parking ticket…obviously. Turned out, the child was the result of a one-night stand. Guilty as charged! And this signature is definitely not your own blood. In front of the windows. Only in America! Funny Court Transcripts. Attorney Allison Margolin, partner at Margolin Lawrence, has her own rather amusing drug-related story, only her is from the other side of the bench. 1 The US judge who jailed a man for yawning in court. So Frekhtman called in an actuarial expert. “Is there something you want to say?” Judge Caprio asked the man. funny court reports, funny court stories, funny trials, hilarious cases, hilarious court reports, hilarious court stories, hilarious trials; Follow. For example, a man charged with speeding actually told Judge Caprio that he didn’t realize he was speeding because he was wearing a stiff, new pair of shoes and couldn’t feel how hard he was pressing on the gas. We're … Source: Reddit (Credit: DCaplinger, Original Story). The Supreme Court, like any other court in the land, hears more than one case per day. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. In 1999, Daniel Dukes tragically died while trying to achieve his lifelong … The temperature of the fluid is not body temperature, at least not a normal one. But when he was on his way out, he saw someone choking and felt obliged to administer the Heimlich maneuver. The lawyer hands it to my mother, who gives it a look. This took me one minute to read, and I laughed out loud 3 times. The taxi driver will have a fun story to tell his family after his shift! Funny Court Stories These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. The judge recalls to me later that suddenly my face changes and contorts, and I busy myself in a piece of paper, looking horrified. Because he wanted to know exactly when he would die and how… as if the expert were a psychic and not an actuary. He pulls out what appears to be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup. Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. He decides we should have a break and when the lawyers have cleared, he asks what happened. I can see the letter she’s given me is from an insurance company, but she is unable to answer any of my questions so I don’t know how I can help her. In 2009, a no-nonsense judge jailed a man … Lauren is also an author of crime fiction; her first full-length manuscript, The Trust Game, was short-listed for the 2017 CLUE Award for emerging talent in the genre of suspense fiction. My very first job after graduating is at an office within a courthouse where people can get their official documents pertaining to their lawsuit or verdict. He knows when he’s beat!”, “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”, “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”, “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? Now Trending. The fake report card. Mostly, they need a version of the official verdict that they can take with them — the original always stays in the archives — e.g. Our courthouse is in the middle of the city and is several storeys high. And since the justices are human beings just like us, they can't help but call it out when they see it. Sheryl A. Sanford, a partner at Black Marjieh & Sanford LLP, has done quite a bit of criminal defense, which has led to some rather funny scenarios. “After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court enters the following order.” So begins the opinion of Federal District Judge Paine in Noble v. Bradford Marine, a clear shout-out to the hilarious film, Wayne’s World. He’s presenting evidence that follows the strange rules of the FOTL. She stands there for a minute, during which I pretend she isn’t there, until she finally shuffles away. Funny Story About Divorce ~ The Best Divorce She spent the first day sadly packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. That shouldn’t be a problem, Funk thought, but still had to ask if the long-ago job would in any way impact her ability to be impartial with Funk representing the firm. It did not go well. I also create about 90% of the forms we use. Don’t miss the weird laws you probably break all the time. The problem was she could. He reckons the case will be interesting, as it relates to quite a high-profile incident that was in all the local papers. Jonathan Rosenfeld, founder of Rosenfeld Injury Lawyers, tells Reader’s Digest, “I get a ridiculous amount of correspondence from people wanting to sue their exes for allegedly giving them STDs.” Oh? I hope life brings you much success. Find out the dumbest laws in every state. When all was said and done (and won), the client asked to be put in touch with the expert. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. Here are some smart tips for fighting parking tickets. While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. He was not well liked … . She covers life and style, popular culture, law, religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment. Colleague: “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”. I became very familiar with the young man well before I ever met him. Sep 15, 2019 - Explore Sue Rhodes's board "Courtroom Humor" on Pinterest. We recommend our users to update the browser. Sadly, the kid never took me up on my offer and just sank further and further into the quagmire of the justice system, ultimately spending time in a state pen for his actions. More legal hilarity comes from Frank Caprio, Providence’s Chief Municipal Judge in Rhode Island and now the star of Caught in Providence, who, “judging” by the stories he recently shared with Reader’s Digest, has clearly has heard everything. “My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she’s ovulating right now.” What could be said beyond, “Thank you for sharing”? For example, here’s how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the case of United States v. Batson: Some farmers from Gaines had a plan. These funny lines are real - Source Below! Thanks for sharing. After I get back into the courtroom, I seal the test kit in a bag — normally, I throw them away — write down some information in his case file, and hand it to the judge. This doesn’t always go over so well with judges, so Reischer tried to convince the man to at least wear a tie. “I always ask the jury pool if they know of my law firm,” explains Adam Funk, a partner at the Potts Law Firm. I will tell the jail staff that charges are pending, but he is to be held on PC of probation violation. Next, find out the strangest law in every state. I am the court bailiff, clerk, reporter, and probation officer. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. It amounted to quite a big scam. Yup, there she is again, with that exact same letter. Lawyer: “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”. So, I read it in the hopes that there are instructions in it and that they are asking for her to bring a certain document, which I can then provide. “Poor kid had to watch four hours of bowel movements,” Ozols explains. However, as far as the potential for awkward situations goes, going to the doc's can be comedy gold. a verdict wherein the judge says that their insurance does have to pay them, which they can then use to take steps to receive this payment. Another came to me claiming the jail was violating his Constitutional rights by serving bologna sandwiches for lunch.” Here are the unluckiest criminals we’ve ever seen. Party on, Garth. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. T’was a mugging of poor Uncle Sam. The delicious irony is that he wasn’t careful who he got the urine sample from. Back to the Index of Best Funny Short Stories. He argues the search was illegal because with his buttery smooth leather jacket, there's no way the officer would have felt the drugs in his pocket during a pat down, so he shouldn't have reached in the pocket to find the drugs in the first place. There is a pause. The defendant was tried again six months later. Enjoy the BEST stories, advice & jokes! Sanford’s partner at BMS, Lisa J. As I … He sued her on grounds of… ALMIGHTY GOD. The problem, however, wasn’t that she couldn’t locate the father. Funny moments in the court room enjoy!! Why? The kid could drive. Aj (girl) on June 11, 2018: THE LAST ONE!!!!! No translator, nothing. In August last year an American advertising executive is sued her boss for £3.9million … The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. All he asked was whether or not the donor had been smoking weed lately, not even thinking to ask about any other drugs. George sued the surgeon and was awarded “the difference in value between a 100 percent good hand… and a hairy hand.”. He got put in jail for a probation violation on one of his high-speed pursuits. Donna Kristine (author) from Atlanta, GA on March 08, 2017: Hi Olivia, glad you enjoyed the laughs. There’s nothing funny about being in a courtroom. I have a colleague who was selected for jury service. I even offered to put in a word for a local racing team, whose owner I knew. Voir dire, the process of jury selection, isn’t always “funny,” but here’s an exception. Often, our court is so busy, it is just him and me in the courtroom for staff. In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to … BLOG. Find out the 38 dumbest criminals of all time. The first section is captioned, “Hurling Chunks.” The last: “A Schwing and a Miss.” In between, Judge Paine calls the defendant’s case “bogus” and “not worthy” and ultimately denies the defendant’s motion with a curt, “Party on.”. Just this once. It’s not valid.”. Read the funniest jokes about Judges ... A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. Attorney David Reischer, founder of LegalAdvice.com once had a client who was not into wearing business clothing. Another man stood before Judge Caprio defending himself for having parked in a handicapped spot, despite not having a sticker or a visible handicap. “After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court … Jokes about Judges. The only other thing I can do is just give her a copy — which has no “value” or use at all, short of reading what’s on it — and besides, she would have already gotten a copy by letter when the verdict came out, so I cannot imagine it’ll help. .. Modern development has built up around the court, so that from levels four up, the back of the court overlooks and looks into a flashy five-star hotel. Whether you’re in the jury, on the witness stand, or on trial yourself, it’s certainly a tense and nail-biting environment. I decide to make her the most common document mostly used for insurance cases and she seems happy with it, so I think that’s that. Hopefully, the story had a happy “ending.”. “I was defending a woman on criminal charges, trying hard to convince the judge to sympathize with her, when the woman went to pour herself a glass of water from the pitcher on the defense table,” Rice tells us. The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. From hilariously misinformed patients to doctors with a wickedly dry sense of humor, we at Bored Panda had compiled a list of short stories when doctor/patient interactions were just too funny. The juror who’d breached protocol had charges brought against him. David Rae (1724-1804) chose to be called Lord Eskgrove. This particular defendant is pleading “not guilty” on the basis of his own law code. Thanks for sharing! He knew that such kits usually come back under temp, so he had it suspended in a half cup of coffee until he finally took it out and strapped it to his leg before entering the courtroom. COURT STENOGRAPHERS. Questions asked in a courtroom can be very revealing... especially in the South. Well, he doesn’t test positive for weed. I still maintain that he would have made one h*** of a racecar driver. One day, I am assisting in a settlement conference, and the judge and I are sitting at opposite ends of a long table, with the parties down either side. The judge is sitting in front of the window with his back to it, and I can see clearly everything going on behind him. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. 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